Dude, You Aren't In MapleStory!
by Randomness from Boredom
Summary: You know you've been playing too much MapleStory when you try to change channels in real life. And so many more wacky signs showing you're too obsessed. Maple has changed a lot since this was last updated.
1. You Really Need A Break

**After reading other people's 'You know you've been playing too much MapleStory when you..." 's, I came up with some original ones of my own. The only thing that applies to me was posted on another fanfiction on this site (my suggestion) so I won't post them up again. None of these apply to me. I just want to write them down.**

**I know these are unrealistic. They're weird. Not that funny. But they work. Okay? Arrgh...I just HAD to write and submit this...**

**By the way, none of these apply to me. Do any apply to you? (I don't think so though, they're really weird.)**

* * *

When you go to a place, you look around for a portal to get to a totally different place.

You feed your pet several times and talk to it a lot to try and make it 'level up'. When your pet seems to suffer from all the eating, you scream at it to level up already.

When you're starting to get tired, you drain a bottle of sweet-and-sour-sauce (or vegetable juice? Or blood? Or some other red liquid?) and expect to be back in full health. (Red 'potion'…heh…)

At the store, when you're not sure of the price of something, you ask the cashier, "How many mesos are these? I only have (however much money you have on your richest Maple character)."

At pharmacies (y'know…drugs 'potions'…?), you ask for return scrolls to that pharmacy.

You're at a (public) place and you're doing whatever you're doing there alone and you want to be alone. A person walks in and you try to change channels. Or if you don't want to, you look at them angrily and say, "Cc please, I need privacy."

In order to show any emotion, you press buttons that you made yourself. Different button for different emotions. If you don't press them, your face will remain neutral.

Everywhere you go, you expect some sort of fitting theme song for it playing in the background.

You don't eat mushrooms anymore. Instead, you stab them with your knife or whatever you have. When they look totally torn up, you wonder why they don't disappear.

You've carved squares in your wall for your 'inventory', labeling them 'equip, set-up, use, etc, and cash'.

Before a fight, you take a random apple and paint it blue and purple to make your own Onyx Apple. You eat it, thinking it'll give you plus a hundred attack 'points', which will make you inhumanly strong for your size. (They give plus 100 attack points in Maple, worth 2 mil, get from Gachapon if ya didn't know.)

When you're bored, you make an 'Onyx Apple' and walk out into crowded areas in public and shout out "SELLING ONYX APPLE TWO MIL!!"

At the hair salon, you expect to get your hair INSTANTLY right after you select what hairstyle you want from pictures. Same with hair color.

You create your own skill book and your own weapon to be used with the skills. You've tried to use your skill with your weapons but have seen it doesn't work…so you called it a glitch.

When you see a crowd of people, you suppose it's a PQ waiting area and ask a random person what the PQ will be like.

On a ship (of any size, going anywhere) you ask a crew member where the cabin is so you can hide from big level 100 monsters that could kill you called Crimson Balrogs.

When you come across a beggar that begs you for money on the street or wherever, you call them a noob.

You say 'LOL' and 'bb' and 'brb' and other chatspeak acronyms a lot…IN REAL LIFE.

When a friend tells you to meet him or her somewhere now or in the future, you ask them what channel you'll see them at.

When beginning to speak with a person you just met and getting to know them, you ask them what level they are with no reference to what level they are in what…what game? To you, it's no game! Life is a game!

* * *


	2. I'm Getting too Scared of You

* * *

You make your own costume of your Maple character's apparel and wear it yourself outside. When people say, "Hey, it isn't Halloween!" you say, "Of course it isn't! I know that. This is my normal clothing, idiot! It's better than yours!" 

Whenever you start Maple on your computer, you say you're getting in touch with your true self and life.

You write a MapleStory fanfiction and say it is realistic fiction and not fantasy.

You dramatize your Maple life to others, using big words and long sentences and a lot of figurative language. Like for example, you talk about it all cheesily like me in the fanfiction _Azura._

When you see people who run exceptionally fast or are exceptionally strong (even on TV), you call them a hacker and call the police on them.

When people ask you about your clothes or the stuff you want, you tell them to click on you to see your 'equipment' and 'wishlist'.

You have absolutely no education…your magician/warrior/thief/bowman training is your priority. You MUST be the top of your class!

You spend all your time making your Maple hairstyle on yourself…and end up ruining the whole darn thing. You also dye it too, but it turns out a completely different color.

By the way, you also expected your hairstyle to stay like that...without any hairspray or anything. That means you think your hair will stick straight up or something.

When someone shows disgust or scared feelings toward a snail, you call them a noob and strike the snail with the MapleStory sword you made yourself without bothering to wash it. (Snails are NASTY! Gotta hate 'em.)

Every time someone calls you a noob (AT ANYTHING), you say, "I'm not a noob, I'm level ( )!" But level ( ) at WHAT?!?

Whenever you write in school, you use chatspeak and say it's normal when questioned/corrected. That is, IF you go to school.

When you get mad at people in real life, you say, "Hey! I'm gonna defame you OMG GET BACK HERE SO I CAN CLICK ON YOUUUU!" Then you shout at surrounding people to mass defame them, calling those people noobs when they don't do anything.


	3. Calling the Mental Hospital!

**Note: Wow, this just came out of nowhere. Hehe. Not bad, I guess.**

* * *

After you buy something from the store, you expect it to disappear and reappear back into your made inventory at home. 

You sign up for some swordsmanship class thingy, like kenjutsu expecting to learn better use of your sword. When they don't let you use your paper Doombringer or whatever, you call them noobs.

You only eat one food and drink only water…saying that 500 HP and 800 MP is enough for you. Then you get fat and unhealthy and eventually die.

When you die, you expect a tombstone to fall down from the sky and you'll be floating in front of it with the body of a ghost…so it'll look like your head is just floating there….and floating there…

You expect to be revived after death, so you're not afraid of dying.

"But everyone dies! Mwuhahahaha!" you think. So you jump off a bridge, knowing you'll die but be revived, but you just die…

You expect books to open by themselves in front of your face when you 'click' (tap) on them.

You make your pet wear a costume at all times, ignoring people when they tell you it's not Halloween.

You go to the pet store and ask, "Where can I find the Jr. Reapers? You know the little ghosts that have faces like skulls?"

After every time you do something, you look above your head to see if that something gave you the final percent you needed to level. When seeing that you didn't level, you get mad.

If you can't go on MapleStory, you wait to see if you've leveled…in real life. When you don't level for a long, long time, you say you call it quits and kill yourself.

When someone is feeling really sad, you say, "Don't feel sad, just come home with me and I'll take you into a wonderland filled with happiness!" which is really MapleStory.

You walk out of the house and tell your parents that you're going to make a guild.


	4. Never Mind, This is Out of Control

You set up your own obstacle course, make your own PQ, and stand on the street shouting, "Recruiting PQ!"

When you go on a farm, you throw your (real) knives at the pigs. The farmer gets mad and forces you to eat the dead pigs.

When you see a person with a remarkable feature on the street, you keep poking them over and over again to see their character info. Then they get mad and call the police for harassment.

After you kill something, you expect it to always leave behind a drop and some coins. After an 'unsuccessful' day of not getting drops, you cry about your bad luck.

You think that school is a pq that you're forced to do everyday, each class being a stage, and the teachers being npcs.

You expect to be transported into MapleStory (your homeland) when you fall asleep.

So when you're bored in class, you tell your friend, "This is boring, I'm going to kill a balrog in my land now," then you fall asleep.

When people are born, you expect to see them in a green jumpsuit with an apple hat. (For those of you who quit MapleStory before the training camp came out, when you begin a new character you are automatically equipped in a green jumpsuit.)

When you see a guy (any guy) named Roger, you ask him, "Why didn't you give me a Roger's Apple! I thought you were supposed to be a good npc! You are unfair! Nooooo!"

When someone is crying over a person they love dying, you say, "It's okay, they'll be revived—they just lost a few experience points!"

Instead of saying, "Turn that frown upside down!" you say, "Turn that F4 into an F2!"

When you see an old Chinese man, you think he's the storage keeper and beg him to keep your stuff. Then he runs off with it.

When you see a RICHLY DRESSED Chinese man, you hold up your red envelope to him and beg for mesos. (Mr. Moneybags, lmao)

When you see some guy who's wearing a Maple leaf on his shirt (or anywhere) you hug him joyfully, happy that you've found one of your kind. Then he reports you for harassment.

You jump into water planning that your health will only drop bit by bit. When you feel the pain, you just lightly tell yourself you're just not used to your HP dropping like that. Then you drown.

You go swimming in a place where there a lots of fish and kill the fish happily with your self-made weapon, thinking it's Aqua Road. Then you get fined for killing.

When you look at the world map, you cry when you don't see that they drew a map of your beloved hometown Henesys.


	5. So You're Acting Like an Immigrant!

Here goes a few more 'you know you've been playing too much MapleStory when you...' thingys. Not very much left, but enjoy.

* * *

You call the police GM's. (credit to whosee for that—thanks!)

When you and your sister fight over the T.V, you say, "Hey, in my world, the only T.V we have is this gigantic screen outside that displays nothing but a warning to be careful! So you must let me hog the T.V for the next 12 hours or else!"

In school, when you write your biography for an assignment, you write, "I was born in the depths of Maple Island. I came to Victoria Island…" with dramatic (but really corny) details.

When you first see the mall, you're like, "Dang, how can so many people sell in such nice shops linked together! In my world, every shop was crappy and apart!"

In the mall, you ask everyone desperately where they have the potion shop. Then you get arrested on suspicions of being some sort of insane maniac necromancer or something.

"WHY ARE THERE ICE CREAMS IN THIS PLACE CALLED 'DREYERS' BUT NO RED POTIONS?!"

"The story of my life has been a terrible one, hindered by dark thoughts and trouble. Thoughts of necromancy haunted me day and night. It was torture within me whether to go along with the forbidden dark arts or stay clean. Every day, I felt that mental pain as I trained on slimes in Ellinia. And you call your pathetic life in which your whole house got burned down and you got attacked and kidnapped in Cambodia tragic?! YOU NOOB YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!"

You call little first-graders noobs 'cause they're 'low level'.

When your pet is still alive after 90 days, you get scared because it's a 'zombie' and call everyone to bring it down. Then you get arrested for animal abuse.

You write a fanfiction based on your character…but you don't call it a fanfiction, you call it an autobiography.

You cry when your teachers make you legally change your name…because 't3hicewiz4rd' just won't do…

You name your kid 'spearKING7493'...and when you have an unwanted one, you name them 'n00b3674'.

Wait, who would wanna have kids with you? Oh...dahotasasingrlXD (or shmexiiDITboi2), that's who! (Omg, I rhymed again for the millionth time...I've been rhyming involuntarily in my speech sometimes, which is really stupid!)

* * *

Review, or I throw my bunny in your face.


	6. Just Go Back To the Computer

THIS FANFICTION ISN'T COMPLETE! REVIVED IT! I thought of new ones after quitting GMS and playing private servers.

* * *

When someone complains about their boss at work, you say, 'you think that's bad? Well, Well, in MY world, the bosses blast you with fire! Literally! I'm talkin' about Pianus man! And they got 3 heads too! Horntail!'

Your pets runs away in public because you were walking them without a leash. You had expected them to automatically follow you around.

Your pets starve and die because you think they were fed when you pressed the button with their food on it.

When there's an earthquake, you think it's just someone doing one of those skills that shake the ground and don't panic.

You starve because you have been drinking nothing but purple liquid, which you thought was a power elixir. You thought it would revive everything.

The only music you'll listen to is MapleStory music. And the songs you make with your 'guitar' (empty tissue box with rubber bands around it) You think it's pure art, while everything else is crap. Even classics.

You brag about being immortal, or at least never dying permanently so you must be above all humans. until someone kills you.

You brag how people can only experience maple through looking at the computer, while you can feel it.

When people tell you you're too obsessed, you say, 'you just haven't been lucky enough to feel its call and be touched by the Maple goddess!'

When your parents die, there's a glimmer of happiness underneath your mourning. At least now you'll get to be cool, strong, and independent like the kids in the MapleStory fanfictions.

You don't swear in real life, thinking you'll get a warning, no matter where you are. If you do swear, you mess up the word somehow and it sounds weird. Like 'fcuk'. And you write it like that too.

You think an electric guitar is a pole arm, not an instrument, and use it to smash 'monsters' (which are really the guitarist's stuffed animals). (There's an electric guitar as a pole arm in the cash shop.)

You also think cell phones are weapons. When you smash your mom's cell phone trying to kill a monster, you get pissed because that cell phone isn't supposed to break even if you slam it against the wall 1,000 times.

You wear the same clothes 24/7 and don't take showers. No need! Your appearance is supposed to stay perfect and clean 24/7 right?

You give little toddlers long, dramatic, 'inspirational' speeches to help them on their futures...as warrior, magicians, bowmen, thieves, and pirates! 'You'll have to train hard and stay determined to succeed! Kill lots and lots. Be free.'

You change your name to 'dragnniteMAN' and point your paper-mache pole arm at the people who won't let you do it.

When your kid complains about being named 'n00b142423' or 'thisnubsux12', you just tell them that you're an awesome Mapler whose kid just isn't good enough.

If you want to be someone else/roleplay, you make a new character on your account!


	7. A New Era, Same Insane You

Note: I see this fanfic hasn't been updated in 3 years. Well, I've gone through quite a few different characters since then. I currently play as a Mercedes in Khaini and I'm working on my 27th medal since I'm a medal collector.

Many of the ones from the previous chapter are no longer valid. The ones from this chapter have to do with current Maple.

I don't write as well as I used to. I'm not as dramatic or funny anymore, so it's not as easy to come up with really good stuff. But some of this crap just came to me after I almost did the first one several times.

* * *

When selling your personal items online, you say S. TEXTBOOKS MSG ME H/O $125 -insert the 'at' symbol here 123456 times- (this site won't let me add all the symbols, but you get the idea.)

You walk into a pet store looking for permanent pets, thinking the workers are screwing with you when they say all the animals will die.

When you see a guy with dark skin and light hair, you think it's Aran and ask him what memories he's recovered.

You hold magnifying glasses over your items, thinking they'll reveal hidden potential. Instead they just reveal holes you didn't see.

When unlucky at sexually attracting partners, you look for equipment or quests that will give you more Charm EXP.

When you receive cologne or perfume, you get frustrated that you have to use the whole bottle in one wear just to get 5 Charm EXP. Same thing with a bottle of hand sanitizer for Diligence EXP.

Soon, you get tired of pouring several bottles of hand sanitizer and perfume all over yourself. You need that money for an Evolving Ring!

You attempt to forge accessories and equipment out of nothing but ores, abrasives, and molds using nothing but a pickaxe and fire that eventually liquefies you.

You shovel up every colorful plant you see, thinking you'll need it for herbalism with Saffron and alchemy with Aly in Ardentmill.

When you get in trouble for doing so, you promise to repay them in potions that'll increase their max HP.

You think you'll get a medal for exploring the world, so you decide to do so, including going to the most dangerous places.

You aren't afraid to fall from great heights and hurting yourself in the process because you'll get a nice-looking Human Cushion medal.

When you find yourself constantly awake between 12 and 3 AM, you call yourself a Creature of the Night.

When Christmas rolls around, you decide to celebrate Versalmas instead.

You buy several animals and airplanes to ride, thinking you'll receive medals for having so many mounts. You don't actually attempt to ride them all...or do you?

When you see a gumball machine, you think it's Gachapon and attempt to buy Gachapon tickets.

When your friend (if you have any friends left) tells you they got lucky, you ask them if it's because they got a fancy chair from Gachapon.

When you see crocodiles, you think they're escaped Crockys from Lionheart Castle and proceed to recruit a party to kill them with.

You constantly hurt your neck by looking up in the sky too much, attempting to find Phantom's Lumiere.

When a hobo asks for money, you get mad and say "Hey noob, this game has changed now! Shouldn't you have money? No? Well, then go kill some monsters and pick up the stuff they drop!"

You think some animals can talk. If they don't talk, they must be a monster that you can kill.

You get frustrated when you want to change channels but can't because people keep bumping into you, so you have to catch your breath and try again. So you try to isolate yourself and stand still as possible.

Screw mail and emails. You get messages by tapping lightbulbs or envelopes that appear over your head.

You think every castle you see is a theme dungeon, then you venture towards it even if you don't get an invitation. You must save someone or defeat and evil boss!

When you work out, you think of defeating Cygnus, Pink Bean, or Von Leon to motivate yourself. You've taped a poster of them on your wall.

When you see someone who is really strong, you ask them if they're wearing percent STR equips or accessories.

You think people are noobs when they don't have any medals. You're always wearing one, thinking it boosts your stats.

Sine you don't hear theme music everywhere you go, you compose your own theme music and play it loudly in public.

* * *

Note: The Creature of the Night refers to the Creature of the Night medal, which you get for logging in 7 nights in a row between 12 and 3 AM.


End file.
